It’s impossible for me to begin 2019 without looking back on 2018. Unlike some, I don’t feel overtly negative about 2018. I wasn’t one of the ones cheering “Later 2018! Don’t let the door smack ya on the way out!” on New Year’s Eve. The thing is, I don’t feel I have the luxury of wishing a “bad year” away. And, without judgment, I do feel it is a luxury to do so. For me, it is luxury to assume one will have an infinite number of years to go. Years with your spouse, your kids, your parents, your family, your closest friends, even though, deep in our hearts, we know that isn’t true. It’s far easier to put the blinders on, ignore that ugly truth, and march on as if this year matters more than all the years before and assume that there will be many more after.  And in my life, in my particular circumstances, that’s not a luxury I allow myself anymore. For me, every day, week, month, or year, good or bad, is another one I get to spend with the man I adore more than anything in the world (I know, cheesy, but just hang on) and it’s impossible to understand the depth of meaning of that statement to me without an explanation of why this man, who makes me crazy, annoyed and frustrated can, in the next breath, completely astonish me and leave me paralyzed with adoration. That, my friends, is because there was a “before” in 2012 and again in 2018 and now we are living in the “after” (and planning to make the most of it!)

I’m still processing the year of adventure, travel and personal growth that we have experienced and if asked to say where I am on the spectrum of reflection, I’d say something like “barely scratched the surface” or “merely the tip of the iceberg.”  I think that our year (or to be precise, 11 months) away was the adventure of a lifetime and yet I still feel like it’s a story that is unfinished.  I still feel that tug to go travel again, to (*gasp*) live on the boat again, to see and do more. The world is a huge place, there is so much to see and experience and I feel like the year only scratched the itch. Yet, I also feel like this break, or “return to reality,” as many folks have coined it, is also necessary for our tribe.  A return to a sense of normalcy is a good thing. It gives us all time to reflect, think, process and most importantly to me, integrate everything we learned while we were gone into our lives here at home.